A few years ago, a poll in the "National Enquirer" found that the majority of women would rather go out to dinner than have sex. Why? There could be many reasons, but for a significant number of us, reaching orgasm is JUST PLAIN DIFFICULT. If it takes too long, 30 minutes, 45 minutes, or an hour, for us to reach climax, we lose interest.

Have you heard the phrase, men are like microwaves; women are slow cookers? As a woman, you are slapped with the label of Slow Cooker. Everyone from the so-called expert to the man on the street will tell you that, when it comes to the difference between the sexual responses of men and women, the time it takes men to climax generally ranges from FAST to TOO FAST. Women are SLOW, often TOO SLOW. Many women can't reach orgasm without extended penile thrusting, vibrators, or oral sex. Some never reach orgasm at all.

It is popular to blame the man for the unsatisfactory timetable. One of the first lessons a young man learns, or tries to learn, is to slow up. Some men are premature ejaculators, but, excluding physical problems and/or the onset of impotence, you never hear of men being too slow. The vast majority of men, even up into their 70s or 80s, have orgasms quickly compared to women.

As women, we are told there isn't anything we can do. It's out of our hands. Literally.

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY WOMEN TODAY SHOULD HAVE DIFFICULTY REACHING ORGASM DURING INTERCOURSE.

The consensus of many major studies of female sexuality (i.e., Kinsey report, Masters and Johnson, etc.) is that most women simply do not have orgasms from intercourse alone, from the thrusting of the male penis in and out of the female vagina. That a majority of women do not orgasm during intercourse FROM intercourse is popular knowledge, even though many of us don't admit it, much less discuss it publicly. We often hide it from our lovers by faking orgasms long before we achieve one.

Why then assume we have a problem? Women require more direct stimulation to the clitoris than can be provided coitally in order to reach orgasm. So we have decided that something is wrong. Why is this? Instead of torturing ourselves with "why don't I orgasm easily during intercourse?" we should want to know why anyone still ridiculously demands that women have an orgasm from intercourse alone!

What we women go through to get our sexual needs met! Direct stimulation from thrusting his penis during intercourse makes reaching an orgasm easy for the man. All we need is the same thing, direct stimulation of the pleasure organ, our clitoris. Women have tried everything they can to reach orgasm with sex, and failing that, have resorted to oral sex and vibrators for stimulation of their clitoris.

What's wrong with oral sex? A man's orgasm usually does not depend on the skillfulness of his lover, the timing, or any kind of genital manipulation by his partner. A man has control over his own orgasm, moving and thrusting in ways that are best for him. If his partner performs genital manipulation or oral sex on him, that's a bonus to the pleasure of the sex act, but most likely, he will reach orgasm anyway.

By insisting on oral sex or vibrators, women seem to expect the man to be in charge. He must orchestrate the seduction, arouse his partner and keep himself from coming too soon. In the old days, women waited for men to lead sexually, to make initiating moves. Females were passive. Today, female orgasm is often the goal in sexual encounters. We are supposed to be that way, we are told by most sexual experts. Nowadays, we are advised to depend on the man to give us an orgasm, as if a female's orgasm were a gift that a male could bestow! If we allow men to control our orgasms, are we really that far removed from the role of the passive female?

Please do not misunderstand me. I am not opposed to oral sex, vibrators, mutual masturbation or anything else that gives satisfaction to both partners in the sex act. Outside stimuli can be fun. What does concern me is the excessive reliance women have upon something other than themselves, especially something that depends on their PARTNER's performance. If men can control their own orgasms, why must this be wrong for women?

If you have lost hope that a man can find the magic button and know what to do with it when he does, remember there is someone who can go right to it and know immediately what to do. YOU. Why Wait? Though its nice to have a skillful partner, it is important to know that it isn't necessary for orgasm to take place. Giving ourselves an orgasm is the sexual equivalent of being able to change a flat tire or support our kids.

Excerpt from "Five Minutes to Orgasm Every Time You Make Love - For Women Only."

Author D. Claire Hutchins draws on the latest research, personal experience and informal surveys, using real-life stories of individuals to illustrate her solution to the slow-to-orgasm problem. Hutchins proposes that a faster response by women can save relationships. She feels that women AND men need to stop worrying about proper performance and concentrate on their own pleasure. Hutchins encourages women to depend on themselves, not on men, and shows them how.