FRIENDS and Lovers

‘Love on the Rocks’

The days are shorter and cooler. A tune begins to play on the radio. You can feel your heart tighten. What used to be just a background melody has become your song, and you are left wondering how and why something so wonderful had to end so fast? The feelings of sadness are almost overwhelming as you reflect on the intense love affair you never expected to find and now feel completely lost without. Read more »

Everything was great. We had been dating for 6 months. We shared the same interests, felt very at ease together, had (often)  discussed future plans and had even spent some of the holidays together. Our relationship seemed right on track and just right in general. Read more »

You thought it was love. The real thing. Perhaps the two of you shared the same feelings, but you don’t now, and you’ve just been dumped. You feel as though you’ve been dropped into a cold dark hole. Alone. Life is no longer fun. No one can understand your pain. No one. Read more »

The experience of love is an inner state. When this is present, you are happy, alive and free. You feel good about yourself and good about life. As you bring the experience of love into your life, life works effortlessly and great things happen. Read more »

Men aren’t the only ones to redefine their life goals at midlife. More and more women are finding the traditional roles of wife and mother to be less than satisfying as they enter middle age. Read more »

Imagine driving your car down a peaceful, quiet country road, passing farm after farm. You are totally in tune with the rhythm of the road as it radiates throughout your vehicle. Your body and mind are quiet and relaxed, yet at the same time you’re fully alert – almost like being at one with your car and the surrounding environment. Read more »

“If divorce has increased by one thousand percent, don’t blame the women’s movement. Blame the obsolete sex roles on which our marriages were based.” -Betty Friedan Read more »

So, you might be wondering, what’s this historical social-studies stuff have to do with your divorce? Everything! In 1969, California was the first state to enact “no-fault” divorce laws. An avalanche of legal reforms followed throughout the country that allowed us to leave our marriage vows behind, almost effortlessly, without requiring a judge to find fault with the party leaving or being left. Read more »

Let’s face it: No mature person gets married thinking it will end in divorce. I never met a client or person who thought divorce was a fun thing. It’s often dreadful, difficult, and demanding. But sometimes it’s simply necessary. In many circumstances, it’s the only way to save your sanity, and maybe, in the worst case, your safety. Read more »

Between the decision to divorce and the physical separation, you and your wife are stranded between two worlds: your past life together and your future lives apart. It is only natural during this period of limbo that emotions run high. Even the slightest miscue can lead to an explosion that could irrevocably damage your chances at a good divorce. The problem is that, because the relationship has changed, it is hard to know how to act. Read more »

Needless battles over money derail more divorces in the early stages than any other issue. Money is a source of power, so to be without money makes us feel powerless. At this point in your divorce, you want to avoid any behavior that will frighten your wife about money. Here are some simple rules. Read more »

At this stage of your divorce, it’s critical to maintain the parenting status quo. If your wife has been the parent in charge of the children, now is not the time to assert your equality as a parent. Your relative parenting roles will be negotiated soon, and in your anxiety to maintain your role as father, do not precipitate threatening struggles over the children. Read more »

You are in a committed relationship, married or involved on an exclusive basis. You thought everything was glorious. Or, at least as glorious as it gets-all relationships have some rough spots. Read more »

Before we get into the “how to” of breaking up with a woman, we must first define her. Read more »

Loraine’s Story: My husband of thirteen years died after a long illness. I was left with a load of debt and three children. I went back to school, prepared myself to earn a living, and managed to get my kids educated before I dared let any thoughts of men creep into my mind. Read more »

Book Excerpt: Joined at the Heart: The Transformation of the American Family by Al and Tipper Gore.

Chapter 1 : Family Redefined

Read more »

The Fadleys’ story offers a vivid illustration of how much the American family has changed over the past two generations. Both Dick and Susan were born in the early 1960s — he in 1961, she in 1962 — which proved to be the fault line of an era. America in the period right after World War II for the most part seemed conservative, traditional, and homogeneous. Read more »

Now let’s slow the story down again and look at a crucial trend that began to emerge into public view during the 1960s: the rising incidence of divorce. Read more »

There must be fifty ways to leave your lover, fifty ways to leave your lover. Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan, Don’t need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me. Read more »

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone… an hour to like someone… a day to love someone… but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Read more »

I left you hanging with the preparations to travel to JoAnne’s and what it felt like. I took the train to the City. It didn’t take more than about 90 minutes to get there. I had to transfer to the Metro and take one of those colored lines out to her particular part of suburbia. She had given me her cell phone number (just in case she wasn’t at the station when I got there). She wasn’t. Read more »

Alone again? Perhaps it’s time to invent a new beginning. You can do that most effectively by working on you; preparing for love. There is no shame in starting over. Read more »

This quiz can be helpful, but mostly it is a good way for you to distract yourself when you might otherwise be out keying your ex-boyfriend’s car. It may make you feel better to see if your breakup is really legitimate. Read more »

From the first moment that you have the wind knocked out of you by hearing in one way or another that the relationship is over, you must ruthlessly prioritize doing as little as possible. By that I mean you must accept that you are in shock and that you should expect nothing from yourself other than to keep breathing. Even that may seem like a stretch, but you can do it. Read more »

This mostly comes up if you live together, though some people share pets without living together. Common sense dictates that, with rare exception, if the pet belonged to one of you coming into the relationship, it should leave the relationship with that person, even if it now feels as if the pet belongs to both of you. With a mutually acquired pet, if he has broken up with you, etiquette dictates that the choice is yours. So if you feel that having the pet around is going to make you feel better, keep it and say that in a month you will be willing to discuss a more joint arrangement. Read more »

Unless you are among the very lucky or very unlucky, you have a job. If your boss or your clients are cool, you can tell them that you and so-and-so are over and you need a few days to get yourself together. Be careful here. Most bosses and most clients are not cool, even though they pretend to be. Revealing any vulnerability may come back to haunt you later. If in doubt, lying is best. Isn’t this worse than a cold? Read more »

As I’ve said, it’s essential to get in touch with one or several close friends immediately. It is wise to call someone who is a very tolerant listener because you are not ready to have a real conversation just yet. For now, skip calling anyone who is going to lecture you on how he or she knew this would happen, or on how much of a jerk your ex was, or both. Read more »

One of the things Rush Limbaugh is famous for is talking about the influence of the liberal media. He says that for the most part, all the information we get from the media (Television, Radio, and Newspapers) is slanted and biased. I want to go a step further with this and say ALL the information we get from anybody is slanted and biased — towards the person delivering the message. Read more »

1) Maintain appropriate walls and windows. Keep the windows open at home. Put up privacy walls with others who could threaten your marriage. Read more »

Once upon a time there was a farmer who had an old mule. The mule fell into a deep dry well and began to cry loudly. Hearing his mule cry, the farmer came over and assessed the situation. The well was deep and the mule was heavy. He knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the animal out. Read more »

My friend Janna and I were reminiscing about what we called “the good old days” over lunch last week. That’s what we call the time when she and I were married. Oh, not to each other, of course! We both had husbands, about the same age, about the same economic level, they were our college sweethearts, we were all college friends, that sort of thing. It was the start of “and they lived happily ever after.” Read more »

Are you one of those people who always feel like you never get your turn? Has life handed out turns to everyone else, only to leave you out? What is it about the system of handing out turns that seems to leave you out? Read more »

Has the commitment the two of you made in our I-Thee-Commit Chapel of Love ended? Have one or both of you found someone new to love? Do you want to break the virtual commitment you made to each other? Is a virtual divorce on your mind? Read more »

We know how tough it can be to end a relationship. But, sometimes, there just isn’t any choice. Sometimes, you just have to move on down the road. Read more »